[Tlhingan-hol] beyn Dartlh

[De'vID]

qunnoQ HoD:
> "and then there was Darth Bane ; he turned to the dark side,because he was
> able to acknowledge that in the end, you only have yourself."
>
> SItlhDaq,beyn Dartlh tu'lu' je ; tlhojDI' HeghDaq ghaj'egh neH, HoS'a' Hurgh
> muv rIntaH.
> (among the Sith,there was Darth Bane too ; when he realized at death he only
> had himself,he joined (irreversibly/irrevocably) the dark great power.)
> Or maybe I could say too :
> SItlhDaq,beyn Dartlh tu'lu' je ; HeghDaq ghaj'egh neH 'e' tlhojDI, HoS'a'
> Hurgh muv rIntaH
> (among the Sith,there was Darth Bane too ; when he realized *that* at death
> he only had himself,he joined (irreversibly/irrevocably) the dark great
> power.)

I would suggest three things:
1. Start by translating simpler concepts first, instead of the rather
complex ideas you're trying to express here.
2. Assume that your audience knows nothing about Star Wars. Explain
what a Sith is and so on.
3. Mark non-translated words like /Darth Bane/ instead of transliterating them.

One point of grammar: {-Daq} is (mostly) a physical locative in
Klingon. It means "in, at, on, etc. a place", so {SItlhDaq} doesn't
mean anything except "in a Sith", "on a Sith", and so on. For example,
{SItlhDaq taj tu'lu'} "there is a knife in the Sith". Same thing for
{HeghDaq}.

For "realised at death", you have the word order backwards: {HeghDI' tlhoj}.

I don't think Klingons would interpret {ghaj'egh} "to have oneself" in
quite the way you mean. Consider {nIteb} or {mob}.

I would also suggest that, instead of posting new things to the list,
that you reply to comments on and revise your previous translations.

-- 
De'vID