[Tlhingan-hol] chIjwI' tIQ bom: 'ay' Qav

[Robyn Stewart]

At 09:14 29/09/2011, lab QeS:
>Once I've done with revising the full poem, if anyone wants a copy I'll
>gladly send it on.

Of course I do. But on with the task at hand.

>bIQ'a' retlh SIch ngem'a'vetlh mIch
>Dabbogh lalDan DevwI'.

The sector of that forest where the religious leader lives reaches 
the seashore.
OR
The religious leader who lives in the sector of that forest reaches 
the seashore.

[That was weird. I had to work to figure it out, then the first 
meaning became obvious, then the next day the second meaning seemed obvious.]

{Okay, so it's the first one. Or it's both.  Because I suppose he has 
to reach the seashore to talk to the mariners.}

>chuSqu' jatlhchu'bogh ghoghDaj 'ey!

The dulcet tones of his lovely clear speaking voice carry loudly.

>bIQ beq nov jatlhDI' ghaH, reH Sey,

It's always exciting when he speaks to foreign mariners.
{Ah right, I should say "he's always excited to talk to foreign mariners"}

>Sep Hop beq jatlhlaHDI'.

When he is able to speak to crews from distant countries.
{I guess you meant to say the same thing twice there, just because 
you had the room and nothing else to say.}

>po tor, DungluQ tor, pov tor je -

He kneels in the morning, he kneels at noon and he kneels in the afternoon too.
[Or it might be them, the farlanders, kneeling to him].

>ghaH ma' quSHomHey tun:

Something akin to a soft chair accommodates him.

>Sor pe'lu'pu'bogh pIrmuS non
>So'bogh tIHomDaq ngun.

He perches on a moss-covered tree stump.
[Took me a little while to get there, and I had to catch my 
misreading of -Hey as -mey in the previous line before I made it. 
It's fun looking at a new -Hom word and deciding what it might be. 
lichen, moss, algae, or teeny little first two-leaf sprouts (there's 
probably a real word for those, and you probably know it) all qualify.]

{Nothing wrong with that as a translation for the verse}

>chol lupDujHom: jatlh 'e' vIQoy,

I heard him say there's a shuttlecraft coming. [Sorry, couldn't 
resist .. a tender?]

{I guess I should pay closer attention to punctuation.}

>< toH, Huj wanI'vam Doj!

Lo. this impressive event is strange.

>nuqDaq bIH wovmoHwI' 'IH'e'?

Where are the beautiful lights?

>qen puH lurI', DaH loj! >

Recently they hailed the land, now are gone.

>< Huj 'e' vI'Ip! > jatlh lalDan qup,

"Strange, I swear", said the religion's elder. [senior monk, priest, etc.]

>< 'ej beymaj jangbe'lu'!

And our cries have gone unanswered. [Oh, I see what you did there. 
I'll have to remember to use that noun when the verbal sense of jach 
is making a sentence to complex.]

>SaSchu'be'law' choQ! vo'wI''e',

The deck seems warped, as for the sails

>tISqu' bIH 'ej QaDqu'!

They're flimsy and dried out.

>not qo'Daq rurbogh Doch vIlegh!

I've seen nothing like it in the world.

>toH, chaq wa' Doch vIngu':

Well, one perhaps I will identify one thing

>Doqqu'choHpu'bogh pormey rur;

It looks like autumn leaves

>ngem bIQtIq retlhDaq pum
>yav So'lu'pu'DI' peDqu'mo',

they fall beside a forest river
when the ground is hidden in heavy snow
[Coleridge, you have it backwards: first the leaves fall off, then 
the snow comes]
{Ah, it's you that have missed that. It doesn't snow in Australia, 
does it? You need perhaps ratlh or ragh instead of pum. The leaves 
turn red, then they fall off, then they dry out, then the snow comes 
and covers them up}.

>be'Daj ghu SopDI' mughato',

When a mughato' eats his woman's baby
[Whoa, A dingo ate my baby! Did someone just sit on the remote and 
change the channel?]

>wuptaHvIS cha'par ghum. >

The tweeting bird sounds an alarm, bursting into song.

{Okay you just read this verse and said, "Hermit, dude, your story 
has NOTHING to do with the ship stuff," and then just wrote whatever 
you wanted, didn't you?" Seriously, he's like "I never saw anything 
that strange, unless it was that one time I saw the wolf eating a 
wolf cub in the winter and there was a bird there too. It was awesome 
man," and they're all like, "Dude, you tell that story every chance 
you get. Give it a rest."

When I read the English I get the idea that the crazy hermit is 
comparing this strange ship to that time he saw a wolf eat a cub in 
the winter, but when I read the Klingon I get the idea he's comparing 
it to leaves that fall after the snowfall, and then he goes off on a 
completely different thought about mughato'mey. And I'm laughing. I 
love words like mughato'.}

>< Qu'vatlh! veqlargh Duj rurlaw'qu'! >

Damnation it's like a devil's boat.

>(jatlh vergh DevwI' 'ej jang,)

The Pilot answered

>< vIHaj! >; ghIq jatlh lalDan qup Quch,

"I dread it." Then the happy religious elder spoke [Or possibly his 
forehead did].

>< yIruchtaH SoH! yIvang! >

"Get to it, you. Take action!"

>Dujmaj cholchu'lI' lupDujHom -

The tender is approaching our ship.

>jIvIHbe', pagh vIja';

I didn't move. I didn't say anything.

>Duj bIngDaq cholchu' lupDujHom;

The tender came right up under the ship.

>SIbI' jachlaw' wab'a'.

Immediately a great din screamed.

>bIQ'a' bIngDaq Qomlaw' wabvetlh,

That sound seemed to rattle the seabed.

>chuSqu'choHtaH, HajmoH:

It became so loud it inspired dread.

>ghIq Dujmaj SIch, bIQ'a' chevchu';

Then it reached our ship, it parted the ocean.

>ghIr Duj; baS 'ugh rur 'oH.

The ship went down like lead. [Or uranium,]

>ghIrQo' porghwIj, muvulmoHta'
>chuSqu'bogh wabvetlh Huj;

My body would not sink, That strange din had knocked me out.
{Hmm, he's not actually unconscious, only stunned. muyay'moHta' or 
muvonglaw'ta' Daqelpu''a'?

>nuv voQmoHbogh bIQ'a' vIrur,

I was like a drowned man. [After a moment wondering how he was like 
the ocean. This is TOTALLY the way of Klingon poetry, carefully 
measured stanzas that don't mean the right thing until you figure out 
the heads of all the relative clauses. I have absolutely no criticism 
for you on any of the ambiguities coming from -bogh clauses.]

>bIQDaq ratlh porghwIj puj;

My weak body remained in the ocean. [Ooh, is he going to get a replacement?]

>'ach tlhoS mumer: pay' bIQ'a'vo'
>mutoDta' DevwI' Duj.

But it almost surprised me. [not sure why the almost, waiting for the English]
The leader's ship saved me from the ocean. [yay!]

{Okay, the tlhoS works}

>DIngtaH Duj ghupbogh bIQ, 'ej pa'

The water spun around, swallowing the ship, and there

[Now here's a -bogh clause I don't want to translate, because it will 
collapse the waveform and force me to choose one head]

>DIngtaH je lupDujHom;

The tender spun too.

>vIHbe'qu'lu', 'ach Qoylu'chu',

unmoved[?] but clearly heard

[vIH only takes a subject. I can't parse vIHbe'qu'lu'. It's like qIjlu'.]
{Oh. Interesting. I have no problem with peDlu', that can't take an 
object, but this one tripped me up. vIHbe'qu'lu' = there was no 
movement. Yeah, that should work. I'll have to rebend my brain.}

>Qugh wab jachqa' HuD bom.

The mountains echoed the disastrous noise.
{Yours is clearer than his. I wouldn't have figured out his.}

>ngugh vIH wuSwIj - jach vergh DevwI',

At that moment my lips moved, the pilot screamed

>vulchoH 'ej choQDaq pum;

He fell unconscious to the deck.

>mInDu'Daj pep lalDan DevwI',

The religious elder raised up his eyes

>quSDajDaq QunvaD Qum.

Communinng with his god, in his chair. [Sounds kinky]

>vo'wI' vItlhap: Haghqu'choHtaH
>vergh DevwI' cha'DIch maw',

I took an oar: the crazy backup pilot kept bursting out laughing.

>HaghtaHvIS ghaH, vIH mInDu'Daj,

While he laughed, his eyes moved

>naDev pa' je Hotlhlaw'.

scanning here and there

>< jIHaghbej! > ja', < veqlarghvam qa'
>tebchu' vo'meH tonSaw'. >

He said "rofl!  A form of martial arts fighting involving propelling 
fills up this devil spirit."

[Not trying to imply anything about register with the rofl, it was 
just the best English match that came to mind.]
{Okay, that was a pretty weird way to say it, but that's okay a 
specifically crazy person who said it but wow, is that where you had 
to go for rhyme and meter?  You know of course that "full plain I 
see" means vIleghchu', it's nothing to do with filling.}

>'ej DaH yoSwIj vIcheghqa'ta',

And now that I have returned again to my homeland.

>puH letqu'Daq jIQam!

I stand on such solid ground.

>'ej lupDujHomvo' mejDI' ghaH

And when he got out of his tender

>ngaDHa' lalDan qup qam.

The religious elder's feet were unsteady.

>< HIquvqa'moH, lalDan qup qan! >

"Bless me again, old monk"

>QuchDajDaq pe''eghpu'.

He had cut himself on his forehead.

[Okay you're too smart to be using pe''egh "keep score" as "scored" 
or "scarred" -- (but I've seen Klingon that tried stuff like that, 
using a Klingon word that is a near homonym in English!), so this 
must represent flagellation or some ritual. Or priests keep a 
forehead tally mark of their daily converts.]

{Hmm. Does "crossed his brow" mean  <Qubmo' Quch vIlmoHpu'> or 
<QuchDajDaq nech nItlhDu'>.  I'm not sure, but unless you're 
postulating a Klingon version of crossing oneself that involves a 
knife, I don't think it means QuchDajDaq pe''eghpu'.

>< nom jatlh, > jatlh ghaH, < chojatlh vIneH -
>loD Segh SoHbogh yIngu'! >

"Speak quickly," he said "I want you to speak to me -- What sort of 
man are you?"

>jatlhDI', SIbI' porghwIj muplu',

As he spoke my body was immediately struck

>joy'qu'choH bep'a' qab!

A bad agony beyond belief  began its torture. [As opposed to bep'a'mey QaQ]

>lutwIj vItagh 'e' raD bep'a';

The agony forced me to begin my tale.

>pay' mej 'ej ghIq jItlhab.

It suddenly left and then I was free.

>'ach rep vIngu'laHbe'qu'bogh,

But at an hour I cannot predict

>jIHvaD cheghqa' bep'a',

The agony returns to me.

>'ej meQtaH tIqwIj, lutwIj qab
>
>Hajlu'bogh jatlhlu'pa'.

My heart will continue to burn before I have told my bad dreadful tale.

>Hoch puH vISuch, ram Hurgh vIrur;

I visit every land like a nocturnal pickle
[Klingon, sometimes I hate you. That was seriously my first reading. 
Ahem "Like a dark night"]

>muteb QIch HoS'a' jum;

An odd overwhelming power of speech fills me.

>qabDaj vIleghchoHDI', vIghov -

When I caught sight of his face, I recognize it.

>mu'IjnISqu'bogh loD vISov,

I know a man who really needs to listen to me.

>ghaHvaD lutwIj vIQum.

I tell him my tale.

>lojmItvo' wup bey'a', numup!

A great cry rose up from the door. It strikes us!

>pa' chaHtaH lopwI''e';

The partygoers are still in there.

>'ach wIjHom 'IHDaq bom naywI',

But the bride sings in the lovely garden,

>bom je lutlhejbogh be':

The bridesmaids sing too.

>'ej Qun vIjatlh 'e' raDchoHmeH
>wab tlhuD pov 'InHom'e'!

And excellent bells are sounding out the call to prayer. [I adore the 
fact that the Klingon translation really gives you no clue about the 
particular religion.]

>meb! jImobtaHvIS
>bIQ'a'Daq Dach latlh qa'!

Guest! while I was alone there was not another soul on the sea.

>nIteb jIHtaH 'ej tlhoS Dachlaw'

I went alone and my god was almost not there,

>'ej lonlaw'ta' Qunma'.

and seemed to have abandoned it.

>matay'choHchugh nuv quv jIH je,

If I am together with an honoured person,

>chIrghDaq wIlenglaHmeH,

In order for us to go to church

>Dunqu'; jIHvaD lengvetlh 'ey Quch
>SawwI' 'uQ'a' 'ey QeH! [1]

It is most wonderful. For me that journey is more pleasing than a 
wedding banquet.

>chIrghDaq wIlenglaHmeH maH cha' -

In order that we two go to church

>Qunma' wIQummeH He;

In order for us to communicate with our god *way*
[I can't make that word He connect to anything.]

>QunvaD matorlaHmeH maH Hoch,

We can all kneel before god

>wIvuvmeH; qup, ghu, chaj, maqoch,

For us to respect him, elders, babies, friends, buddies

>Quchqu'bogh loD be' je!

And really happy men and women.

>jItlheD; Qapla'! 'ach SoH qaja',

I'm leaving, success, but I say to you

>'o SawtaHghach meb quv!

Oh honoured wedding guest

>batlh yInchu'ta', SaH quvbogh qa' [2]

S/he/they has lived a life through with honour, there is an honoured spirit
[I'm suspecting an omitted yI- here or a suffix problem.]
{Still not quite parsing this.}

>ghot Dep je vuvDI' nuv.

when a person respects man and beast

>batlh yInlu'ta', SaH quvbogh qa'

he has lived with honour, there is an honourable spirit

>Hoch Dol luvuvlu'DI';

When every entity is respected

>Hoch Dol muSHa' numuSHa'bogh
>Qunma', Hoch chenmoHwI'. > [3]

The gods who love us, the creators of all, love every entity.

>peDlaw'bogh woS, bochbogh mIn je
>ghajbogh chIjwI''e',

The mariner with the snowy chin and shining eye left.

>  tlheD:
>'ej SawwI' lopwI''e', DaH tlhe',

And now the wedding guest turns.

>SawwI' lojmItvo' HeD.

retreating from the wedding doors

>vulHa'choHlaw'pu'bogh nuv'e'
>'ej Soy'bogh rur, mejDI';

He resembled a clumsy, just awakened man as he left.

>po veb vemDI', ghaH 'IQmoHta'

When he awoke next morning the Mariner had made him sadder but wiser.

>'ach valmoHta' chIjwI'.
>
>pItlh

The end.


>-----
>
>[1] A lazy, lazy way of reaching for a rhyme here. I have my doubts as
>to if the Quch - QeH pair would be accepted in a law'/puS construction
>and I'm working on a decent recast.

I didn't mind it. I got it quickly after the usual false start  on an 
altered law'/puS.

I'm sort of sad it's over now.  Ever read any Robert Service?