[Tlhingan-hol] Vows

[Elizabeth Lawrence]

I'm working on some Klingon wedding vows, and I'd like a second opinion.

DaHjaj  qanay
DaHjaj  qaSaw
jIyIntaHvIS  bangwI’  SoHtaH
reH  qatlhej  ‘e’  vI’Ip
reH  SoHvaD  jISuv  ‘e’  vI’Ip
reH  juHwIj’e’  juHlIj  ‘oH  ‘e’  vI’Ip
pIj maHaghmeH jIvum 'e' vI'Ip
reH  maQaHchuq  ‘e’  ma’Ip
DaHjaj qorDu' chu' wIchenmoH

I'd like to know if there are any general or grammatical errors, but I also
have some more specific questions.  I don't like the phrasing of pIj
maHaghmeH jIvum 'e' vI'Ip, but I wanted a sentiment about laughter, and I
couldn't think of anything better, so any suggestions would be appreciated.
 Also, I'm not sure I like the mixture of first and second person, but I'm
not sure how to rephrase.

Thanks,
be''elth
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