[Tlhingan-hol] mIl'oD veDDIr SuvwI': 'ay' 15 - pop 'oH ghob'e'

[Robyn Stewart]

At 05:28 '?????' 1/6/2013, you wrote:
>If anyone's still reading after my lengthy 
>absences, 'avtanDIl just buttered up roStevan 
>and promised that he would go to every boundary 
>of the Kol'vat Region to announce the joyous 
>news of tIna'tIn's accession to the throne. 
>Comments, criticism, and questions are as always most welcome.

vIlaDqangbej. lut chIlpu' De'wI'wIj 'e' vIHaj.

The language is quite dense and has to be 
digested slowly in any language. Today I feel 
like translating, as a way of showing you what I 
get from reading, sharing the story with people 
who wouldn't otherwise see it, and of opening my 
own comprehension to scrutiny.

>'ay' 15: pop 'oH ghob'e'
>----------
>ghIq voDleH vaS 'el SuvwI' net chaw';

And then the warrior was admitted to the Hall of the Emperor;

>  'utlh vuv ghaH 'ej tlho'meH mu'mey jatlh:

He respected the patriarch and spoke words of thanks:

>«'o 'utlh, chonaDqu'ta'mo' choquvqu'moHneS! DaH 
>nuchevbogh 'IttaHghach ram'e' wovmoHjaj QI'tu', 
>'ej qablIj bel belqa'moHlu'pu'bogh vIlegh 'e' chaw'jaj.»

O Sire, your high commendations have honoured me 
deeply! Let heaven illuminate the night of 
depression which separates us, and let me see your face made joyous again."

[Consider Hurgh instead of ram there. Choosing 
there between the adjective and noun meanings of 
Hurgh would be simpler than those of ram. I also 
couldn't find a way to cram an second instance of 
bel into the English translation in a way that 
added anything to the sentence. Does it have a 
purpose that eludes me in the Klingon?]

>DeSDajDaq ghaH tlhap roStevan 'ej paw'chu';

Rostevan took him in his arms and they 
[demonstrated affection in a culturally appropriate manner].

>tlhoS puqloDna'Daj rur 'avtanDIl.

Avtandil was almost like his real son.

>chaH rurbogh chang'eng'e' not tu'lu'pu' – 
>Qorghbogh vay', vay' Qorghlu'pu'bogh joq.

A twin like him had never been found--neither 
someone who took care of him nor who had been cared for.

[I wonder if SaH is preferable to Qorgh here. I'm 
not really getting the point of Qorghlu'pu'bogh as an asset.]

>tagha' QamchoH SuvwI', 'ej mej.

At last the warrior stood up and left.

>luchevlu'law'pu' chaH; 'avtanDIlvaD loQ SaQchoH 
>valqu'bogh 'ej quvqu'bogh roStevan.

They had been separated. The wisest and most 
honoured roStevan shed a tear for Avtandil.

>vaj mej 'avtanDIl, yItchu'bogh 'ej jaqchu'bogh SuvwI' yoH.

Thus Avtandil departed, a brave warrior who walked out freely and boldly.

>cha'maH jaj lengtaH; pem law', ram law' je tay'moHchu'.

He travelled for twenty days; many days and nights indistinguishable.

>not tIna'tIn'e', tIqDaj meQmoHtaHbogh be''e', Qubbe'choH;

He never stopped thinking of Tinatin, the woman who enflamed his heart.

[Not sure if that's a word, but I need to distinguish from inflamed.]

>qo' bel ghaH tIna'tIn'e', mIp'a' wellu'bogh ghaH.

Tinatin was a pleasant world,. She was a fortune owed.

[Not sure I know what that means, but that's what it says.]

>Dat jaHDI', lopqu'taH Sep nuvpu'. luqIH 'ej 
>lughom chuQun, 'ej nobmey wagh nobtaH.

Everywhere he went the region's people were 
celebrating. They met him and the nobility 
assembled and gave him [or possibly her, in trust] expensive gifts.

>QIt lengbe'bej loD Qup'e', Dat paSbe'qu' jul rurbogh loD'e', nom lengtaHvIS.

The young man by no means travelled slowly. The 
man who was like the sun was everywhere, not at all late, travelling quickly.

[Late for what?  I know you're working with an overwrought original.]

>nuvpu' lubelqu'choHmoHlu'chu', luqIHDI' 'ej ghaHDaq SumchoHDI'.

People became ecstatic on making his acquaintance, and when they came near him.

[wejpuH]

>wo' veH nuvpu' ghIjlaHchu'bogh veng HoS'e' che' 'avtanDIl;

Avtandill ruled the powerful city that could terrify the borderland people.

[meqvetlh vIlaj.]

>naghna' 'oH yergho'e', chenmoHlu'meH nagh'a' tIn lumutlhlu'ta'.

The city wall was known to be stone, constructed of large boulders.

[I'm not sure that's how mutlh works. Shouldn't 
it be mutlhlu'meH nagh'a' tIn lughommoHlu'ta', or the like?]

>veng loHmeH, qaStaHvIS wej jaj vengDaq ratlhtaH 
>ghaH chon taghpa', 'ej ghojwI'Daj SermaDInvaD ngupDaj nob 'avtanDIl.

He stayed three days to administrate the city 
before the hunt, and Avtandil gave his cloak to his student Sermadin.

[Okay, now I'm confused. Is this a flashback to 
Avtandil's role in administration of the royal 
city before he left, or by virtue of his great 
beauty and conversational skills he suddenly is 
put in charge of a border city. Did you mean cho' 
and not che' earlier?  Did I miss something? Or 
am I just failing to grasp the cultural context 
that Avtandil simply possesses everything he passes through?]

>nItebHa' toy'wI'vam'e' 'avtanDIl'e' je luQorghlu'pu';

Acting together the servant and Avtandil were cared for.

[I'm really lost now. Is he going hunting or is he being tended? By whom?]

>'avtanDIlvaD matlhchu'taH, 'avtanDIl toy'ruptaH.

He was utterly loyal to Avtandil and ready to serve him.

[Oh, Avtandil has been in charge of this city all 
along; it just hasn't come up until now. Or I forgot it?]

>wej 'avtanDIl tIq meQmoHtaHbogh qul Sovbe'chu';

He did not yet know the extent of the fire burning in Avtandil's heart.

>vaj DaH ghaHvaD 'avtanDIl jul, tIna'tIn, tulmoHbogh mu'mey 'ang 'avtanDIl.

Thus now Avtandil revealed to him [or her, that 
could be awkward] the inspiring words of his sun Tinatin.

[or possibly it was Avtandil's words that were inspiring]

>jatlh ghaH: «HIQoy, SermaDIn, ngoDvammo' jItuH SoHvaD 'e' vI'angnIS.

He said, "Hear me, Sermadin. I must reveal my shame to you.

>Hoch SojwIj DaSovchu'; 'oH Daqelchu'ta' 'ej 'oHmo' choqeSchu'ta'.

"You know all my affairs; You have fully 
considered them and advised me on them.

>'ach muSaQqu'bogh ghu''e' wej DaSovchoHpu'!

"But you have not yet learned what makes me cry so.

>mubechqu'moHpu'bogh be'vo' DaH tIqwIj DuQtaH 
>bel'a'. tIna'tInvaD muDuQtaH parmaqna';

Ecstasy from the woman who has made me suffer so 
now pierces my heart. True love for Tinatin infuses my soul.

>SeparDu'wIj bIrDaq pubchoH tIqwIj 'Iw tuj; wej 
>bepwIj vISo'pu'bogh vI'anglaHbe'pu'.

In my cold [body parts metaphorized as gemstones] 
the warm blood of my heart comes to a boil. I 
could not yet reveal the agony I had hidden.]

>'ach DaH jItulchoHta' 'e' mura' be'vetlh, vaj jIbelchoH 'e' Dalegh.

But now I have taken hope again and that woman 
commanded me, thus you see me become pleased.

>mujatlh tIna'tIn: ‹ngabta'bogh SuvwI' bopbogh 
>De''e' yIghoj, ghIq choghoS, 'ej tIqlIj parmaq vIpupmoH.

Tinatin told me, <Find out about the warrior who 
disappeared and then come to me and I will perfect the love in your heart.

>  loDnalwI' Damoj SoH neH vIneH, latlh 
> vIneHbe'qu'; tIqwIjDaq lav pochbogh Sor'a' 'oH SanwIj'e'.›

I want only you to become my husband. I want no 
other. My fate is a bush a great tree plants in 
my heart. [Or possibly a great tree that planted 
a bush in my heart. Trees planting bushes confuse me]>

>jatlhpu'pa', tIqwIj baghlu'pu' 'ej vonlu'pu'; 
>jatlhpu'DI', tIqwIj rachlu'pu' 'ej vorlu'pu'.»

"Before she said it my heart was tied and traped. 
When she said it my heart was invigorated and cured."

>----------
>SKI: 'avtanDIl thanks roStevan for the 
>commendation, goes to make the announcements as 
>promised, and then returns to inform his pupil 
>SermaDIn that he intends to depart to carry out 
>the task that tIna'tIn has requested him to do.

You can see that I couldn't tell that he 
returned. What did I miss there? Anyone see that more clearly?