[Tlhingan-hol] qungmey bommey je

[David Trimboli]

On 2/1/2012 7:23 AM, Gaerfindel wrote:
> Took me several hours to translate this, recasting some as I went, but I
> think I got the gist. Thanks to matlh for a particular vocabulary word!

I'll offer some thoughts, but I'm not prepared to offer my own 
translation right now.

> ‘unDaq ‘oH qung, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’

A better transliteration of Liza would be {laySa}. {ay} sounds like the 
word "aye," which is the sound of "i" in "Liza." You might pronounce it 
{lay'Sa} since a syllable with a glottal stop tends to carry the stress, 
while the final syllable in a noun without glottal stops tends to be the 
syllable with the stress.

Perhaps you're making use of poetic license, but grammatically the first 
sentence should be {'unDaq 'oH qung'e'} "the hole is in the pot."

I don't think {be'naloywI'} is a good match for "dear." It basically 
means "my wifey-poo," which is far too saccharine for this song, which 
is just saying "dear Liza, dear Liza."

Klingons would probably ignore the "dear" part of the song, and just 
name lay'Sa.

> ‘unDaq oH qung, lIySa’
> be’nalwI’, ‘oH qung
>
> qung yItI’ qoH’a’ loDnal
> HenrI’ qoH’a’ loDnal

{qoH'a' loDnal} doesn't really make sense. "My great lord husband"? See 
my comments on {be'naloywI'}, above.

I'd transliterate Henry as {HenrIy}. There is no glottal stop in the name.

> qung yItI’ qoH’a’ loDnal
> HenrI’ yItI’qu’!
>
> chay’ qung vItI’, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’
> chay’ qung vItI’, lIySa’
> benaloywI’, chay’?
>
> Sor nItlh yIlo’, HenrI’
> qoH’a’ loDnal HenrI’
> Sor nItlh yIlo’, HenrI’
> Sor nItlh yIlo’qu’!
>
> ‘ach Sor nItlh tIqHa’qu’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’
> ‘ach Sor nItlh tIqHa’qu’
> Sor nItlh tIqHa’qu’!

That's a lot of twisting to get extra syllables! A more literal 
translation would be {'ach tlhoy tIn Sor nItlh}.

> yIpe’nIS qoH’a’ loDnal
> HenrI’ qoH’a’ loDnal
> yIpe’nIS qoH’a’ loDnal
> yIpe’nIS!

For extra syllables, consider using {vaj} at the beginning of everything 
lay'Sa sings.

> chay’ nItlh vIpe’, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’
> chay’ nItlh vIpe’, lIySa’
> chay’ Sor nItlh vIpe’?
>
> taj yIlo’nIS, HenrI’
> qoH’a’ loDnal HenrI’
> taj yIlo’nIS, HenrI’
> taj yIlo’nISqu’!

Using {-nIS} on an imperative verb is commanding the addressee to need 
something. "Need to cut the knife!"

Also, I think you're adding {-qu'} to things just to add syllables. Best 
to find something that means what you want, rather than to intensify 
syllables just to add length to lines.

Literally, not considering meter, the line should read {taj yIlo', 
HenrIy} "Use a knife, Henry."

> ‘ach jejHa’qu’, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’
> ‘ach jejHa’qu’, lIySa’
> ‘ach jejHa’qu’ taj

While {tlhoy jejHa'} means "too dull (having been made unsharp)," I kind 
of like {jejHa'qu'} to emphasize the fact that the sharpness of the 
knife has been undone. The {-qu'} emphasizes the {-Ha'}: "UNsharp."

> taj yIjejmoH HenrI’
> qoH’a’ loDnal HenrI’
> taj yIjejmoH HenrI’
> DaH taj yIjejmoH!
>
> chay’ taj vIjej, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’
> chay’ taj vIjej, lIySa’
> chay’ tajvam vIjej?

vIjejmoH

> jejmeH nagh let yIlo’
> qoH’a’ loDnal, HenrI’
> jejmeH nagh let yIlo’
> nagh let yIlo’nIS!

If we're thinking of the original, Liza simply says, "With a stone, dear 
Henry." She doesn't say "hard sharpening stone." You're probably looking 
for extra syllables again. Without regard for meter, a literal 
translation would be {nagh yIlo'} "use a stone."

> ‘ach QaDqu’ nagh, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’
> ‘ach QaDqu’ nagh, lIySa’
> QaDqu’jejmeH nagh

I'd prefer {tlhoy QaD nagh} "the stone is too dry."

> nagh yIyIQmoH, HenrI’
> qoH’a’ loDnal HenrI’
> nagh yIyIQmoH, HenrI’
> qoH’a’ yIyIQmoH!
>
> chay’ yIQ vIqeng, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’
> chay’ yIQ vIqeng, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’, chay’?
>
> ‘unDaq yIqeng, HenrI’
> qoH’a’ loDnal HenrI’
> ‘unDaq yIqeng, HenrI’
> ‘unDaq yIQ yIqeng!
>
> ‘ach…’unDaq ‘oH qung, lIySa’
> be’naloywI’ lIySa’
> ‘unDaq ‘oH qung, lIySa’
> be’nalwI’, ‘oH qung…

A good effort. If you take any of my suggestions, remember that part of 
the song is repeating the same form of sentences every other verse. 
Don't switch between using adverbials here and not using them there. 
HenrIy should sing in the same form throughout, and Lay'Sa should do the 
same with her own form.

-- 
SuStel
http://www.trimboli.name/