[Tlhingan-hol] Dante qul'a'

[nIqolay q]

A few months ago I tried translating the message above the gate to
Hell from Dante's "Inferno", Canto III, keeping the terza rima
aba-bcb-cdc rhyme scheme and the eleven-syllable lines. (I didn't
preserve the stress patterns, though. chaq jImaw' 'ach jImaw'qu'be'.)


tuvengDI' bechtaHghachna' vegh boghoSbej.
tuvengDI' reH taHchu'bogh bepDaq boDuv.
tuvengDI' chIlchoHbogh rIntaH chaH botlhej.

muchenmoHchu'ta'bogh wa''a' tungHa' ruv.
jItaHchoHmeH nItebHa' vang Qun woQ'a'
Qorghchu'ghach wa'DIch je. vang je Sov'a' quv.

taHchu'wI' neH luchenmoHlu' jIchenpa'.
not vItaghlu'. not jIDor. reH jItaHchu'.
naDev bo'elDI' pejegh 'ej petulHa'.



Some notes on word choice:
Line 2: reH taHchu' ("always endure perfectly") was the best way I
could find to express eternal existence (see also lines 6 and 7). I
guessed that Duv ("advance") worked similarly to other motion words:
that it was intransitive and that a direct object meant "advancing to
a place", though this would make the -Daq redundant.
Line 4: I'm not 100% sure if wa''a' is strictly acceptable, but its
meaning is clear enough that perhaps it could be excused as poetic
license.
Line 5: The odd phrase for "create" here (jItaHchoHmeH vang, "act in
order that I begin to go on") is mostly because I didn't want to use a
phrase with "chenmoH" again.
Line 6: Qorghchu'ghach ("perfect-caring", perhaps) was the best word I
could think of to refer to love in the sense of God's love, which is
definitely not parmaq.
Line 7: Again, taHchu'wI' "things which perfectly endure", used for
"eternal things".

Also, what word does paq'batlh use for "canto", if any? Just 'ay'?