[Tlhingan-hol] mIl'oD veDDIr SuvwI': 7 - Dujeychugh jagh nIv, yItuHQo'

[Rohan Fenwick - QeS 'utlh]

jIghItlhpu', jIjatlh:
> Warnings: Killing of animals, and some blood.

mujang Qov, jatlh:
> wej yap'a' HoHchaj?

tlhInganvaD, ghaytan not yap.

jIH:
> Hatlh luvegh chaH lIghtaHvIS, chaH tlhopDaq 
> Ha'DIbaHmey tlha'taH chaH lIghtaHvIS.

Qov:
> I'm having trouble liking this as a sentence. The 
> action of the sentence takes place in the area in 
> front of them, but in that location they are 
> chasing the animals. I think you're trying to use 
> chaJ tlhopDaq to modify just the animals. <chaH 
> tlhop Ha'DIbaHmey tlha'taH> would work better for me.

Makes sense. vIlaj.

jIH:
> HoHtaH chaH 'ej Qaw'taH chaH, Qunpu' vaqtaH 
> chaH, yotlh yav lunguvmoH 'ej Ha'DIbaH 'Iwmo' 
> luDoqqu'moH chaH. maq 'avtanDIl lubejtaHbogh 
> nuvpu', jatlh: «QI'tu' SuvwI'na' ghaHchu'!»

Qov:
> vI' tobmeH Hujbej mIwvetlh.

bIlughchu'! tobmeH, chaq vIHtaHbogh ray' maSlu'.

taH:
> toy'wI''a'pu' HoHbe' 'e' vItlho' neH.

Don't be silly - slaves aren't real people! </cynic>

jIH:
> yotlhvetlh Hoch luvegh chaH 'ej Ha'DIbaHmey 
> tlha'lI'. yotlh Dop HopDaq bIQtIqHom lutu'; 
> bIQtIqHom HeH Sum luvel naghmey; HeH Hop So' 
> ngem[1]. tagha' ngemDaq luHaw' Ha'DIbaH; pa' 
> tlha'laHbe' 'avtanDIl Sargh roStevan Sargh je.

Qov:
> vaQqu'law' ngemvetlh.

Now full of lions and tigers and bears, (oh my) no less.

jIQIjpu', jIjatlh:
> [1] This descriptive bit's awkward and I may 
> rewrite it to make it flow better. The source 
> text is disjointed here, but I'm not as 
> concerned with remaining super-faithful to the 
> source as I am about spinning a coherent yarn.

Qov:
> I didn't find it disjointed. There's a stream at 
> the end of the field with rocks on the near side 
> and impenetrable-by-horses forest on the far 
> side. Don't know where else you'd put that information.

It's more that it comes out of nowhere and goes back into irrelevance very quickly. HeH Hop So' ngem is totally my own addition; the original text doesn't have anything about it and simply says (paraphrasing) "yeah, there was a stream at the far side of the plain, and rocks at the edge of the stream. The animals escaped into the forest..." Er, sorry - what forest, and what about the stream?

jIH:
> toDuj ta'chaj chavta'DI' 'avtanDIl roStevan je,

Qov:
> toDuj?  Qobchugh Ha'DIbaHmey HoHpu'bogh, vaj 
> toy'wI'pu' toDuj law' law' lIghwI'pu' toDuj law' puS.

lughchu'! I may change this to vI', simply because it makes more sense (and also doesn't make 'avtanDIl and roStevan out to be such self-congratulatory wankers).

jIH:
> Doy'choHpu', 'ach jeQtaH chaH! jatlhchuq Hoch 
> cha' «jIQapta' jIH'e'!» Quchqu'taH chaH 'ej 
> qIDchuq, 'utlh toy'wI'pu' loStaHvIS.

Qov:
> tagh wo'mey 'ej luj wo'mey 'ach not choHpu' loDpu'.

I think you may have given me a title for a future chapter.

jIH:
> tugh pawpu' paSbogh toy'wI'pu', 'ej cholDI', 
> jatlh 'utlh: «yIvIt; 'etlhmaj tIbochmoHQo'.»

Qov:
> ghIch vImaStaH.

meqlIj vIyajchu'. chaq vIchoH, chaq vIchoHQo'. wej jIwuqpu'.

(poD latlh)

jIH:
> 'ach yav neH luqIppu'bogh chonnaQmeylIj law''e' DIyIrnISpu'neS.»

Qov:
> DIyImISpu'neS? wot yImIS vISovbe'.

yImIS'eghmoHQo'. (Sorry, awful joke.) {...yIrnIS...} 'oH: yay 'It ray nay 'It Say. DaleghHa'law'pu' neH.

jIH:
> 'e' QoyDI' 'utlh, QeHbe'qu', SaHbe'law'; tlhoS Quj QapwI' neH maqlu'law'.

Qov:
> Quj QapwI' ghaHbej. chay' pIm?

The original Georgian says he seemed not to be worried, as though it was the winner of a game of backgammon that had been announced. (I suspect I may have misplaced neH here, which wouldn't have helped.) Does tlhoS qa'vaQ Quj QapwI' maqlu'law'pu' neH "it almost seemed that someone had merely announced the winner of a qa'vak game" work better for you?
 
jIH:
> Sormey bIng QIbDaq leSmeH pa' ba' chaH cha',

Qov:
> Why not <leSmeH chaH cha', Sormey bIng QIbDaq 
> ba'choH> or <Sormey bIng QIbDaq leHmeH ba'choH 
> chaH cha'> . I fully understand the desire to add 
> some variety to sentence structure, but I'm 
> starting to read about a resting chamber under 
> some trees, then I have to back up and  .. okay I 
> can see what's going on here. "They sat in order 
> to rest in the shadow under the trees."   The way 
> it's structured, the sitting is done to 
> accomplish resting under the trees. I would be 
> more comfortable were the sitting done under the 
> trees, in order to rest, and were it not possible 
> to misread it as <leSmeH pa'>  Also isn't it the 
> shadow of the trees, rather than the shadow of 
> the trees area underneath?

I think "the shadows of the area underneath the tree" - not meaning that the area underneath throws the shadows, merely that the shadows are associated with the area - is a better gloss to show why I think it works, but you've rephrased it well with {QIbDaq leSmeH Sormey bIngDaq ba'choH chaH}. vIlo'.

> I'm not sure about the legitimacy of chaH cha', but it doesn't confuse me.

I'm not hugely sure about it either, but it seems the only logical way to talk about "we two" or "they two", as an apposition like DuraS be'nI'pu' be'etor lurSa' je "the Duras sisters B'Etor and  Lursa". It also avoids ugly agreement clashes like *{Hoch Satlho'} and *{maba' cha'}.

jIH:
> qIDtaHvIS 'ej QuchtaHvIS. chaH retlhDaq ghom 
> wa'maH cha' toy'wI', yoHwI' matlhwI' je; ghIq 
> toy'wI'pu' retlhDaq ghom negh law'qu' 'ej Dech, 
> ngem HeHDaq ngechHommey, bIQtIqHommey je bejtaHvIS.

Qov:
> Ha'DibaHmeyvetlh lommey boSnIS vay' ngImchoHpa'.

matlhqu' toy'wI''a'pu'! boS chaH net pIHba'. Feudalism, eh?

QeS
 		 	   		  
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