[Tlhingan-hol] nu'uchtaH San ghop

[Robyn Stewart]

As usual I'm reading the Klingon straight through before looking at 
the English, and giving you what I think as I read it. I like it when 
people do that with mine.

At 23:31 '?????' 4/26/2012, De'vID jonpIn wrote:
>nIpongan SuvwI''a' tu'lu'.  ghaHvaD {Nobunaga} ponglu'.

A model example of how to translate "There once was a great Japanese 
warrior named Nobunaga."  Breaking it into two sentences preserves 
the simplicity.

>jaghDaj mangghom wa'maH vatlhvI' tIn law' mangghomDaj tIn rap,

Daj. "His army was a tenth of the size of his enemy's."

Canon {cha'maH vagh vatlhvI' Hong} puts the percent before not after. 
Do we have other contradictory canon or did you feel the odd 
structure of a law'/puS wanted it afterwards?  I think it should go 
first. Having it after made me think at first you were trying to do 
something weird  with the verb, "ten percent as big." I was having 
some trouble parsing the sentence as I read it, so translated it into 
English. "His enemy's army's ten percent was the same size as his 
army?"  I swear the very first thing I managed to get out of it was 
"his army was just as gay as his enemy's".

>  'ach jaghDaj
>HIv 'e' wuq.  Qapbej 'e' Sovchu',

You mean {Qapbej} or {QaplaHbej}?  The first sounds so strong it 
might be a premonition.

>'ach Qap 'e' luHon neghDaj.

Sa'vaD qay'law' ghu'vetlh.

>che'ron jaHtaHvIS

lujaHtaHvIS?  Or I suppose it's wa' mangghom, but you used lu in the 
next phrase.

>  chIrgh lujuSDI' mev {Nobunaga} 'ej neghDajvaD jatlh:
><lat vISuchpu'DI' DarSeq vIronmoH.  narghchugh nach, maQap; narghchugh
>tlhuQ, maluj.  nu'uchtaH San ghop.>

maj.  Huvchu'.

>chIrgh 'el {Nobunaga} 'ej tamtaHvIS mu'qaDmey bach.

Daj! qatlh?

>   'elHa' 'ej DarSeq ronmoH.  nargh nach.  neghDaj pIlqu'moHlu'mo',

I would not have used {-lu'} here, because the agent of their 
inspiration was clearly either Nobunaga or the coin, both which would 
be third person singular.

>pe'vIl jaghchaj Qaw'chu'.
>
>rInDI' may', {Nobunaga}vaD jatlh boQDaj: <San ghop choHlaH pagh.>
>
><quSDaq bIba',> jatlh {Nobunaga}.  DarSeq 'ang.  ngIq DopDaq nach tu'lu'.

vIloypu'!

>A great Japanese warrior named Nobunaga decided to attack the enemy
>although he had only one-tenth the number of men the opposition
>commanded.

Ah, so you broke it into plenty of sentences. Keep that around ot 
show next time a beginner tries to translate a whole sentence of 
English as one sentence of Klingon. It's a very fine example of why not to.

>He knew that he would win, but his soldiers were in doubt.

Again, good repetition to get the "in doubt."  It didn't read as 
redundant at all in Klingon.

>On the way he stopped at a Shinto shrine and told his men:

I found it a little interesting that you in narration used a 
different word for the lat/chIrgh than he did in dialogue. Was that 
intentional? I don't see the purpose.

>  "After I visit the shrine I will toss a coin. If heads comes, we 
> will win; if
>tails, we will lose. Destiny holds us in her hand."
>
>Nobunaga entered the shrine and offered a silent prayer.

I so didn't get this from your translation. Is it canon I'm 
missing?  I understood that he was softly cursing, to insult or 
challenge fate. I know you don't want to go to {QunvaD qoy'} and I'm 
not sure whether the prayer in this case would be {no' quvmoH} or 
{Qun quvmoH}. If you know, that might be the closest. If you don't 
{lat quvmoHmeH tamtaHvIS jatlh} would seem to come a lot closer to 
"silent prayer" than curses.

>He came forth
>and tossed a coin. Heads appeared. His soldiers were so eager to fight
>that they won their battle easily.

I like the Klingon better than the English there.

>"No one can change the hand of destiny," his attendant told him after
>the battle.
>
>"Indeed not," said Nobunaga, showing a coin which had been doubled,
>with heads facing either way.

Very good choice not to try to translate the concept of "doubled". 
completely unnecessary to the story.  Also, I think I want one of 
those coins. I like my realization that coins seem to have had one 
head and one not head since pretty much the invention of the 
coin.  Want a really alien society? Have them not put heads on their 
metal tokens of exchange?

- Qov