[Tlhingan-hol] Butterfly Project

[Robyn Stewart]

I'd definitely go with yIleSchoH over bIleSmoH.  "you will make 
relax" with no object?  Or did you mean bIleS'eghmoH?

And again 'ughchoH or tI'ughmoH not 'ughmoH

bItlhuHDI' QIt tunchoHlI' SomrawDu'lIj -- yours makes it look as 
though the muscles are causing something to soften. Have you by some 
chance confused -moH and -choH? Have a quick reread of TKD 4.2.3 and 
4.2.4 and try this again.

You've used {'e' vIHot} when the original implies DaHot, and even 
though it defies biology you shouldn't correct "belly" to tagh-- 
translate what's there, not what you think should be there.  It's 
probably a yoga thing, when what they really mean is that full 
contraction of the diaphragm makes the belly rise.

QuchtaHghaj should be QuchtaHghach, but what's wrong with bel?

I'm stopping here, but you need to go back over this entire project. 
Just skimming I see a jupma' and DuleSrup when you mean DuleSrupmoH.

As you present yourself as a professional Klingon translator, your 
clients deserve better.

- Qov

At 21:08 '?????' 4/10/2012, you wrote:
>I was contacted by The Elfenworks Foundation to translate their
>Butterfly Project deep breathing exercises.
>
>My translation can be seen (and heard) here
>
>http://www.elfenworks.org/butterfly/breathing_klingon.php
>
>The English is here
>
>http://www.elfenworks.org/butterfly/breathing.php
>
>Oddly, the Klingon audio hasn't been paired with the video yet, so
>just imagine a butterfly as you read/listen.
>
>
>It was a rushed project, so if anyone has any problems with my
>translation choices, please contact me and not Elfenworks with their
>complaints; and I'll send updates to them as needed.
>
>
>~'anan naHQun
>
>--
>~Michael Roney, Jr.
>Professional Klingon Translator
>webOS Developer
>
>http://www.twitter.com/roneyii
>http://www.google.com/s2/profiles/110546798564536163288
>
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