[Tlhingan-hol] nuq bop bom: deleted scene: jol

[Qov]

I'm still rearranging things for 'ay''a' vagh so instead of a new 
episode, today I give you a deleted scene. An earlier draft of 
'ay''a' wej called for ghutar ne' to be trapped in a flood of 
bIrmoHmeH taS in mIch loS, and I had to come up with a way to not 
solve the problem with the transporter, because that would take all 
the fun out of it. Kingons wouldn't care if intraship beaming was 
dangerous. Rather than just saying the transporter wouldn't work, I 
decided to show it not working, but the chapter went way off the 
rails. One of the many rewrites to the story changed the threat to 
the ship, such that the story unfolded in a way that wasn't solvable 
with the transporter anyway, so I didn't have to break it. Which is 
great, because I might have a use for it later. This scene takes 
place after a conference between Captain vajar and First Officer 'ungya.

It's not very good, either.  I'm sending it because I thought you 
might find it funny, and I was resisting actually deleting it from 
the file until I'd had a chance to show it to someone.
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taS luQol 'e' luwuq. jolpa'Daq jolpa'vo' ghap vay' jollaH jolpat 
cham.[4] jolpa'Daq chennIS vay' QollaHpa' jolpat. jolpa'Daq chen 
bIrmoHmeH taS 'e' luneHbe'ba' vaj nab lu'oghpu'. jolpa'Daq pawtaHvIS 
vay', lajHa'meH mIw luSov. vaj pawtaHvIS bIrmoHmeH taS, lulajHa', 
'ach wewtaHvIS jol, De'wI'vaD Hal Quv luchoH. lulajHa'DI' HalqoqDaq 
chegh taS, 'ach Halqoq luchoHta'mo', logh chIm 'oH ghoch'e'. Dunmo' 
nab Hoy'chuq. jolpa' lughoS.

'ul Sech woH HoD 'ej jolpat ravDaq lan. ghutarvaD Qum "SoHvaD Sech 
vIjol ghIq taS SuD wIQolchoH. loj 'e' Da'ollaHDI' bImejlaH."

"yaj!" SIbI' jang ghutar.

Hurghmo' pa', Sech tu'laHmeH ghutar, chu'pu' HoD. Qap. jolpat SeHlaw 
'emDaq QamchoH yaS wa'DIch 'ej jol rIH. wewchoH Sech naQ ghIq ngab. 
Qum ghutar, "jol vIlegh ... pawpu' wovmoHwI' ... vIghaj."

"maj," jatlh vajar. "DaH taSvetlh SuD yIQeq."

bIrmoHmeH taS QeqchoH yaS wa'DIch. quqtaHvIS Hoch taS QollaHbe' 
jolpat, vaj 'ay'mey neH jolnISlu'. Quv vonpu'DI' jolpat rIH yaS 
wa'DIch 'ej loS. tugh jolpa'Daq chen wewbogh tut. "'uch!" jatlh vajar 
'ej SeHlaw ruQtaHvIS yaS wa'DIch, Hal Quv ghunqa' HoD. "DaH 
yIlajHa'!" SeHlaw leQ yuv yaS wa'DIch 'ej chenHa' tut. ngabpu'DI' 
"Qapla'!" jach yaSpu' 'ej paw'.

"nupbejpu'" Qum ghutar. "boQollI' 'e' vIbej."

"yIta'qa'," jatlh HoD. SeHlaw Hotqa' yaS wa'DIch 'a chenchoHbe' wewbogh tut.

"yIruch!" ra' HoD.

"Quv vonlaw'ta' 'a jolchoHQo'."

"HoS yIghur"!" ra' HoD. vIH yaS wa'DIch ghop. DIvI' jolpat rurbogh 
wab lIngchoH. jolpat rav chIm bej HoD. chen tlhIchHey. "chenchoHlaw'" 
jatlh HoD. "HoS!" vIHqa' yaS wa'DIch ghop. SeHlawDaq wewchoH 
wovmoHwI'Hom puS, ghIq panchoH. tlhIngan DeSDu'Daq pum qulHom 'a 
rotlhmo' 'ej Qu' luta'nISmo' bepbe' 'ej SIQtaH.

tlhIchna' tlhuDtaH jolpat rav. He'. pey rur. "QaQbe'law' 
tlhIchvetlh," jatlh yaS wa'DIch.

tung HoD. "yIchu'Ha'. Qap latlh gho 'e' DaHar'a'?"[2]

"QapHa'law'pu' nIDvetlh," Qum ghutar, "wewchoH 'a Qollu'be'."

"wISov," jang HoD. "wInIDqa'."

jolpa' SeHlaw ruQchoH yaS wa'DIch. "toH. QapHa'law' jolpat. Quv 
jonbe'bej. motlh Daq vIQeqDI' SIbI' Dochmey vIjollaHbogh ngu'choH. 
poj'egh pat 'e' vIra'ta'."[5]

jolpa' mej HoD. tugh chegh, Soj ngaSwI'mey chIm qengtaHvIS[1] "poj'eghta''a'?"

"wej"

"ghorgh poj'eghta'?"

"ratlhlaw' wej tup."

"yIqagh. De'wI' QIp vIloSqangbe'. reH Dap neH lIng pojwI'. Ha'! 
Dochmeyvam DIQol 'e' yInID." jolpat ravDaq veQ lan. SeHlaw luruQchoH 
'ach qaSlaw' pagh. SeHlaw pup HoD 'ach SIghbe'law' je.

"Do'Ha'," jatlh yaS wa'DIch. "Qapbe'law'."[2]

"wej wen qaSpu' je." jatlh HoD

"chay' DatI'?" tlhob yaS wa'DIch.

"tI''eghlaw'. wornagh jItlhutlhmeH jImej 'ej jIcheghDI' Qapqa'."

--then in a later scene--

Hota'ro'vaD jatlh HoD. "ghIH jolpa'. pa' veQ tu'lu'," jatlh HoD. "yISay'moH."

"lu' HoD," jatlh DeghwI' 'ej meH mej.

--yet later--

chegh Hota'ro', "HoD, QapHa' jolpat. veQvetlh vIQol 'e' nID 'a 
Qoplaw' jolvoy'."

"DaQapHa'moHpu''a'?" jatlh yaS wa'DIch. QeHchoHlaw'. "qoH!"

SuvrupchoH DeghwI' 'a DuHIvchoHbe'DI' yaS nIv, ba'choH neH.

DeghwI'vaD jatlh HoD, "DatI'laH'a'?"

jang DeghwI', "chaq. wej wen qaS 'ej tI'taHvIS ghIrel vIboQ. ngeD Qu' 
'ach mIch vaghDaq latlh jolvoy' tu'lu'."[3]
-----
[1] I had the ship systems all thought out before I realized: 
Klingons? Recycle? You gotta be kidding.
[2] Klingon IT support personnel have to put up with this kind of 
thing all the time.
[3] You KNEW I wasn't going to solve the problem with a mere 
transporter, so I had to take it out of the equation. The handwaving 
"won't work inside the ship" wasn't very interesting. How to count 
out the Deus ex Machina panacea that is the transporter? I really 
pity the professional Star Trek writers their task. Here's a webpage 
that testifies both to their creativity and that of the fans trying 
to keep track of their rationalizations. 
<http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Transporter>http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Transporter
[4] That places these Klingons' technology in the era where intraship 
or site-to-site beaming was non-standard. Seeing as they don't even 
have food replicators that seems about right. Current data storage 
technology doesn't allow for a stable pattern buffer.
[5] Actual conversation with my husband:
Me: Oh no, my Klingons are running a diagnostic routine on the 
transporter computer. That's not very Klingon, is it?
Him: No, Klingons would just transport a prisoner and analyse the 
resulting pieces.
Me: They haven't got any prisoners.
Him: Then they would test it on low-ranking crewmembers until either 
it works or they run out of crew.  
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